Boredom
by Jedi Gallifreyan
Summary: Commander Allie Shepard is desperate for something to do during those long trips across the galaxy. Short and somewhat cracky fic I dashed off while bored myself.


Commander Allie Shepard leaned back in her chair and lazily pushed it into a spin with one foot. "EDI, how much longer before we get to Omega?"

"Estimated remaining travel time is approximately five hours and thirty-eight minutes, Shepard."

"Great, five and a half hours to wait until I can get a decent drink."

"There are a wide variety of hydrating liquids available in the mess hall."

"I know, EDI. Log off," Shepard snapped, then kicked at the wall to reverse the spin of her chair. "Take care of the fish and space hamster: check. Read all my new messages: check. Bother Jacob, Mordin, Miranda, Samara, Thane, Tali, Garrus, Jack, and Grunt: check. You'd think with so many people on board, more of them would have free time. But nope, two are meditating on religious ways to kill people, another two are just thinking about ways to kill people, Garrus is all awkward, and I probably don't want to know what Mordin's up to. How the hell I'm going to avoid death from boredom during mass relay jumps is beyond me."

"Shepard, it is not possible for short-term inactivity to kill humans."

"I said log off, EDI."

"Of course, Shepard."

"As in, stop talking."

"I cannot log off from this location while you continue to interact with me."

"Fine, I'm not talking to EDI now. I'm talking to the hamster, telling it how much I wish EDI would log off and leave me to suffer in peace."

"Logging you out, Shepard." The blue sphere of EDI's interface vanished with a slight electronic crackle.

"And I still have over five hours to kill," Shepard sighed, giving her chair a last half-hearted twirl. It slowly came to a stop facing the display case full of model spaceships. A grin slowly spread across her scarred face.

Garrus Vakarian reached for the control on Shepard's door, then paused. She had told him to come in any time he felt like talking, and with the direction their relationship had recently gone in, it made sense for him to have access to her cabin. Just because it made sense, however, didn't mean he felt comfortable walking into the Commander's private quarters.

Strange sounds from the other side of the door made him hesitate longer. He tilted his head, mandibles clicking in confusion.

"But the Normandy had snuck in, undetected, to save the _Quib-Quib_! Let's see your shields stand up to this, Sovereign. Fire at will! _Pewpewpewpew_!"

Garrus had no idea what would cause his commanding officer to imitate the sound of a ship's cannons firing, but he wanted to find out. He opened the door. "Shepard, do you have a minute to talk, or should I come back later?"

Allie froze, sitting cross-legged on the floor, a model of the original _Normandy_ in one hand, a miniature Quarian ship in the other, and a replica of Sovereign on her lap. Judging from her pose and what he'd overheard, Garrus guessed that the SR-1 was mid-attack on the Reaper while the... what had she called it? _Quib-Quib_? made a run for safety. "Um... it's fine. Come on in, Garrus."

"If you don't mind my asking, what exactly are you doing?" This was too good for Garrus to pass up - Shepard seemed to have been going out of her way to make him squirm lately. It was definitely time for some payback.

"I'm going with... reenactment of great space battles."

"You mean playing with your collection of model ships." Garrus tried to keep a straight face but felt failure coming soon.

"Battle reenactment is my story, and I'm sticking to it." Shepard's eyes narrowed, orange cybernetics glowing faintly through the green iris.

"Whatever you say, Shepard." Garrus knew he wouldn't be able to hold back laughter much longer. He should probably make some excuse and leave before... his eyes drifted to the open display case, with a turian cruiser still on its stand. Shepard did seem to be enjoying herself, and they still had a few hours before docking on Omega. "You know, as impressive as the _Normandy's_ guns were, it still took a whole fleet to bring down Sovereign." He picked up the model cruiser. "Would you like some help defeating it a second time?"

"I was bored, okay? Quit making fun of me, Garrus."

The turian shook his head. "I'm not making fun of you, Shepard."

She glared at him.

"All right, I'm making fun of you. But I've finished calibrating the main batteries and, as you put it, I'm bored."

Allie made a show of considering for a moment, then pointed a finger at Garrus. "Not a word to anyone else on this ship, you understand? And yes, that is an order."

"Would never dream of it. After all, I'd have to admit to "battle reenactment" as well. And who could take me seriously after finding that out?"

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you."

"Probably not," Garrus said with mock-regret.

"You're a bastard."

"So I've been told. What great battle did I interrupt?" Garrus settled himself on the floor facing Shepard.

"The _Quib-Quib_ was separated from the rest of the Migrant Fleet and was attacked by a Reaper. Fortunately for the quarians, the _Normandy_ was nearby and picked up their distress call. The first exchange of fire was underway when you came in." Shepard picked up the models again. "We had the element of surprise thanks to our advanced cloaking system, but now that Sovereign knows we're here things are going to get tricky."

"Fortunately for both the quarians and the _Normandy_, a turian warship with prototype heavy turrets was also in the area," Garrus added, bringing the cruiser around so its guns were aimed at Sovereign. "_Boom_!"


End file.
